Here in the U.S. the slowness and lateness of the results of the British exit vote on the European Union, or “Brexit,” is crazy-making. It’s 8 p.m. Mountain time in the U.S.–doesn’t that make it 2024 already in Greenwich Mean Time? How do you people in Britain take this molasses-like pace of election returns? (If that were on the ballot, I’d definitely recommend a revolution. Or at least several strong mugs of flip while you wait.)
I didn’t have strong opinions about the Brexit, although leaving the E.U. seemed like an astonishingly stupid idea from a U.S. perspective: “Go ahead: pull out of the E.U.! There’s always Ireland when we need to move our European bases of operation to another English-speaking country .” Also: “Get used to standing in the slow line when you’re traveling in Europe, with the rest of us who don’t have E.U. passports.”
But then all of the pro-exit voters and leaders I’ve heard and seen interviewed in the U.S. media sounded like Donald Trump, plus the fact that both David Cameron and John Oliver have been urging a NO vote on this Brexit business. I heard an interview on NPR yesterday in which a British retiree in Spain said he hoped that the U.K. would vote NO on the Brexit today, but admitted that if he were back home, he’d probably vote to leave the E.U. Why?
Because he says there are too many immigrants in the U.K.! “Yes,” says an immigrant to southern Europe, “there’s too many immigrants in my home country which isn’t even my home because I’m a f^(king immigrant!” (He didn’t actually say that–that’s my paraphrase of his insane political position.)
Please, Great Britain, don’t disappoint your American and Canadian friends. I don’t go in for this “mother country” business, as we are big, noisy countries with many mothers and fathers from all over the world. But we in the U.S. look to you to be adults, if not in a parental relation to us. Let the rest of the world continue to hate we Ugly U.S. Americans! We’ll let Canadians (and Minnesotans) be the competent, welcoming big sibling to the rest of the world. Think of the U.S. as the tweenager with quart of Jack Daniel’s and an AR-15 at the party–we need you to be responsible! We can take being the a-holes of the world. You have to be the grown-ups. Please.
UPDATE: mean to say in original post published a few minutes ago: don’t you think people in the U.S. who live in Massachusetts or California or New York want to hold a Texit vote–that is, a vote to set Texas adrift into the Gulf of Mexico? And don’t you think that Texans want that just as badly, except the part about getting any closer to any geographic feature that includes the name “Mexico?” YES!!! But we suck it up, and so can you.