Flavia wrote a hilarious post about perusing her fiance’s alumni magazine, “Middle-aged golden boys and girls,” in which she reflects on the very weird genre of the Class Notes in which alums are invited to share news of their lives with their classmates. As we all are finishing our semesters and shaking the dust bunnies off of our doctoral robes in preparation for graduation, we should pause to reflect: our students of today are the alumni of tomorrow, and it’s important to help initiate them into the art of casual braggadocio and/or desperately squeezing lemons into lemonade that is the hallmark of the Class Notes section of the alumnae/i magazine!
Here are some (non-fiction!) examples from Flavia’s post:
Some people’s narratives are thoughtful, others are merely informative, and still others are hilarious and self-deprecating. However, to a snarky non-classmate like myself, the most fun are the writers who conform to every stereotype I’ve ever had about people of their age and class (which is to say, basically, my own age and class):
- “Although I still work in corporate litigation, my real passion is for Iyengar yoga.”
- “After living in eight countries since graduation, I’ve finally put down roots in Vienna, the most beautiful city in the world.”
- “I recently stepped out of the rat race, took a 50% pay cut, and moved to Albuquerque. What I lost in prestige I gained in sanity. Try it, you might like it!”
- “Even though I’m now ‘just a homemaker,’ I sit on the board of both our children’s schools, I’m involved in fundraising for the civic opera and the art museum, and I mentor young women thinking about careers in journalism.”
- “How to pick out the high points of the past five eventful years? Summitting Kilimanjaro was definitely a memorable moment, as was being profiled in the Wall Street Journal.”
- “We recently relocated back to the States, and now live in D.C.–well, the ‘burbs, a decision prompted by a great French immersion program and our desire for our girls to remain bilingual.”
- “Believe it or not, I’ve really gotten to have it all.”
That list totally cracks me up. Here’s my translation of the above comments:
- Although I still work in corporate litigation, I know I have to say something that makes me sound like I’m not just a soulless douchebag sellout. But even when I’m trying, I still sound like kind of a douche.
- God I miss the travel I did in my 20s. I feel trapped in my life now! I’m suffocating!
- I recently was “downsized” out of a pretty good job, so I moved into my parents’ basement in Albuquerque, where I spark up on a regular basis.
- I’m just a homemaker, but at least my husband is rich. And no, I haven’t heard that there is no such thing as “careers in journalism” any more.
- Can there be anyone who knows me even distantly who is yet unaware of my profile in the Wall Street Journal? I guess I’ll just have to take care of that.
- We recently relocated back to the States, and now live in D.C.–well, the ‘burbs, and we’re still defensive about that.
- Believe it or not, I’ve really gotten to have it all, although I sometimes wonder if my definition of “it all” wasn’t ambitious enough.
Add your own translations, or tell us about other unintentionally hilarious contributions to your alumnae/i magazine.